About PsiPom Coaching
The idea of PsiPom Coaching originated from Mat’s early coaching experience and his first client: his best friend Nicole.
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Right off the bat in his coaching program, students were encouraged to practice with fellow classmates and with people open to being coached by novices (i.e. friends and family). Mat’s first recruit was his bestie Nicole, who wanted help keeping stuff she wanted to accomplish on track. A week later, her cancer two years in remission, returned with a vengeance. Despite a week-and-a-half in the hospital, and despite having two therapists, Nicole wanted to stick with coaching. Her words frame PsiPom Coaching’s “why”: “I still have shit I want to get done.”
What followed were somewhat uncomfortable but deeply meaningful sessions focused on what was present for Nicole: how to leave memories for her daughter, how to have difficult conversations with her husband, how to ask her neighbor if she could use her garage gym because “f’ it, dying is not an option, I need to get healthy.” The focus of coaching always centered on what Nicole needed to work on in the moment. Coaching is often a service utilized by executives and leaders, or by people in workplace transitions. These sessions with Nicole led Mat to recognize that this space– when people are confronting their mortality– is the space where he wanted to coach.
Nicole passed away at home on January 5th, 2024. This coaching practice will always remain dedicated to her and her memory.
Mathew & Nicole celebrating his birthday at EPCOT, June 2010
As your coach, you will find Mathew calm, curious, and open. And maybe a little quirky.
What is PsiPom?
PsiPom is an abbreviation for psychopomp, a Greek word meaning guide for the dead. There are all types of psychopomps: The Valkyrie who usher fallen heroes to Valhalla are psychopomps. A couple of archangels are as well. Hermes from Greek mythology and Anubis in Egyptian are both psychopomps; and yes, even the Grim Reaper is one too -- as scary as he may seem (though there are plenty of tales of him being quite a standup fellow).
The symbolism of what psychopomps represent is intrinsic to the core of PsiPom Coaching philosophy for two aspects: 1) psychopomps are comfortable with death, going to where the person is to walk with them on their journey; and 2) psychopomps do not judge the person they guide. Likewise, as coaches, we will be able to sit with you even if you have discomfort-- and while your choices may be challenged in the effort to evoke greater awareness, they will not be judged.
About Mat
Mathew David Pauley has spent his professional career as a medical ethicist, helping clinicians, families, and patients work through morally complex issues in medicine and end-of-life that create both uncertainty and conflict. This work has demonstrated Mathew’s talent for assimilation of varying frameworks that aid others in growing their confidence in the decisions that they confronted, from ethical analysis and conflict studies to personality type and cognitive decision-making. His interest in coaching originated from a desire to support others training to work as medical ethicists, with hopes to nurture their skills and lessen their burnout. But it was talking with his best friend whose cancer had returned that made him want to dedicate coaching people facing death while trying to live their lives.
As your coach, you will find Mathew calm, curious, and open. And maybe a little quirky.
On July 18th, 2022, Mathew earned his Associate Certified Coach credential from the International Coaching Federation.
FAQ
What is coaching?
What is coaching?
The International Coaching Federation (ICF) defines coaching as, "partnering with clients in a thought-provoking and creative process that inspires them to maximize their personal and professional potential." But you may still be wondering, "what does that look like?" First off, know that it is client-driven. If you are engaging in a coaching session, you are determining what we are focusing on during that session. Furthermore, you are determining specifically what you want to get out of the discussion. The coach's job is to help you explore, evoke your awareness, and perhaps challenge you a bit. As coaches, we are not providing therapy (see below), nor are we going to act like an expert telling you what we think you should do. Coaching, at its heart, respects that you have the capability to make your own decisions and take on your own challenges.
End-of-Life Coaching? Do I need to be "dying" to sign up for that?
End-of-Life Coaching? Do I need to be "dying" to sign up for that?
The short answer is, "no, you do not need to be dying." PsiPom Coaching's focus began with wanting to give space and opportunity to those who are confronting terminal illness. It is where our heart is. However, within the context of illness and death comes so many different experiences, facets, and understandings. For example, a client with a terminal diagnosis may be much more interested in their living than they are their dying.
Not only will we not try to put someone into "a box" defined by some medical diagnosis or hospice status, we believe that we cannot--- and any attempt to do so would be misguided. If you believe that you would benefit from end-of-life coaching, and the perspective that PsiPom Coaching brings to the discussion, then you should sign up for end-of-life coaching.
What about therapists, end-of-life doulas, chaplains, and such-- how is end-of-life coaching different?
What about therapists, end-of-life doulas, chaplains, and such-- how is end-of-life coaching different?
Honestly, there is probably more overlap than there are differences. Coaching, as mentioned above, focuses on partnering with and empowering a client to take on their own endeavors. Coaching is very much future-focused and client-actualizing.
Therapy can do these things, but a therapist will also use their years of training and experience to directly address mental and behavioral health. Coaching will not do that.
You can bring your spiritual perspective to end-of-life coaching and they can inform how you want to work through an issue. Chaplains also offer their gifts to specifically help you address spiritual considerations themselves (moreover, we know many wonderful chaplains who are also coaches and employ coaching skills in their chaplaincy, especially around end-of-life).
Personally, I thought end-of-life doulas were solely focused on being present at the bedside as a person transitioned into death. Then I had the good sense to reach out and talk with an end-of-life doula and learned how expansive their work can be. Yes, they are often at the bedside during death, but yes they also coach.
There are a number of caring professions that give insight into end-of-life, and while there are some differences among them, we also know that people in those professions are not likely to limit themselves in their efforts to support the dying and their loved ones-- people will go beyond definitions.
Given all the above, what may (though not necessarily) distinguish this end-of-life coaching practice, is that PsiPom Coaching is committed to the International Coaching Federation's ethical guidelines, and provides coaching consistent with the ICF's core competencies such that we can feel confident we are coaching our clients.
You're a lawyer, can I get legal advice? You're an ethicist, can I get ethics advice?
You're a lawyer, can I get legal advice? You're an ethicist, can I get ethics advice?
Regarding legal advice, no I cannot provide legal advice. Having never actually practiced law, you probably wouldn't want legal advice from me anyway.
But ethics advice is a little more nuanced. I want to say "maybe". Ethics (specifically clinical medical ethics) practices like coaching in many similar ways. Clinical ethics strive not to be Morality Police, telling people what is the right thing to do and what are the wrong things to do. Rather, they seek to identify people's values, and what is important to them. Ethicists explore with others how to prioritize those important considerations and challenge them to consider possibilities and consequences. All in all, I relish clients bringing moral considerations to their coaching sessions.
Wait, I read your payment philosophy -- does this mean I don't have to pay you for coaching?
Wait, I read your payment philosophy -- does this mean I don't have to pay you for coaching?
If you are in a circumstance where you would benefit from a coaching session, and financially, you are not in a position to pay me, then you do not have to pay me for that session. Access is deeply important to me. I built PsiPom Coaching because I believe that people who are sick, especially with terminal illnesses, can benefit from coaching. I also live in a country where medical bankruptcy is more common than it should be. I will not compete with a person's medical bill or a nice day with their family.
Of course, I would like to be paid and consider my time and effort to have value and request that you pay me. To facilitate this, I have listed suggested rates. If you appreciated our time together I would gladly accept what you are able to pay and what you thought our time was worth.
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